All that Matters is Love..

In Kerala, in most of the Hindu families, mother’s mother is addressed as ammamma. Achan, of course is father. So here’s a tale of unconditional love and bonding of this strange pair. My grandmother has been a part of my parents’ life for about 20 odd years now. Having held the powerful position of a headmistress and school manager all her life, the commanding power in her demeanour was difficult to go unnoticed. So, striking a meaningless conversation with her would usually rub her up the wrong way. She often had arguments with my mother, her own daughter, on various aspects of home management. When my mother was of the opinion that my grandmother can just enjoy her retired life reading or listening to music without interfering much in home matters, my grandmother on the other hand being who she was used her power to advise mother on how not to be so extravagant! So, the matter of the fact remains that , both being strong women, refused to come to terms with each other though they couldn’t also survive without each other. 

My dad whose work site being away from home was just a visitor during the weekends. Ammamma, like a stubborn toddler waiting for grandparents to pour out complaints about parents, would wait for my dad to come to complain about my mother. When my dad retaliates by telling her, “its ok amma, just let her (my mother) be ” in the sweetest tone possible, my grandmother calms down instantly. That’s the effect Unni (my dad’s nick name) had on her! She discussed with him life, politics, his work, her medicines, her bank matters so on and so forth. She trusted him with her life not knowing that one day he would be protecting her breath like his own! My mother was also loving towards her, but in a different way, not in a way my grandmother craved. That kind of love and attention she received from my dad, who always advised us never to get annoyed at old age and treat them with empathy and compassion, was what she wanted. 

As years passed by, ammamma’s health deteriorated gradually. She was diagnosed with cancer in the thyroid about 7 years ago which was surgically removed. But her battle continued when doctors informed us that she has remnants in her lungs. She being a fighter fought fiercely managing all her chores on her own, maintaining her accounts and keeping track of her medicines. But her movements reduced over time and she stopped going out of the house and eventually refused to step out of her room. All this while when dad was home, he made sure he went into her room, sat with her, asked her updates on how she was feeling and if she needed to restock her medicines. The care he gave into those little details of her life was always heartwarming for her and those around. 

Life moved on for the three without much of a difference till December 2018 when my grandmother went into a state of delusion due to blocked capillaries in the brain. Her mobility and speech came to a standstill and she hardly recognized anyone. She travelled back to her childhood and kept calling out to her mom and repeatedly saying ‘Let’s go!’ It was also quite a revelation that however powerful and significant you feel all through your life, at a vulnerable and weak moment, we go back to those safe corners of childhood settling under the wings of mother. 

So moving on to the unusual love story. My grandmother being bedridden and needing help with everything, my mom and a home nurse was struggling to manage all the work between them when my dad rose to the occasion like no one’s business. My mother was not as fit as dad and it was difficult for her to lift my grandmother for a wipe or change. My dad took over the complete care with the support of these two women. 

Now the care does not end with just changing her clothes and feeding her food and medicines through the nasal tube inserted inside. He wakes up at 5 am to be by her side . He lies down next to her hugging her gently and communicating to her on how protected she is and how there is no reason to fear. He pampers her and talks to her like he would talk to a baby. Every time he feels he has caused her pain while lifting her, he whispers in her ears, “sorry amme, vedhanicho?” (Sorry mother, did it hurt?) and keeps rubbing where he feels he must have pressed her a little too hard. He tries to sit her up and gives a mild back massage conversing with her all through in his soft tone. 

It has been 3 months and my grandmother has been in and out of hospital already 5 times. My dad has been the same, unconditional and committed in his service towards her. Loving her more with each descend. Holding her tight and secure in his arms and whispering in her ears , ‘ Unni is here, amma is safe’ even when we were not sure if she felt who was who. My mom was telling me that one of these days when ammamma showed signs of recognition, she stretched her hands towards dad and placed it on his head blessing him and brought her hands together in prayer gesture indicating ‘Thank you’!! A deep moment indeed!! Also letting us know that she’s aware of who this person offering selfless service to her is . So, here is a son who never shared his childhood with this mother and a mother who never shared her motherly aspects with this son, yet are displaying one of the finest bonding one can witness! 

We are all in awe of this human and his relationship with himself. His karma in this birth is one of selflessness for he has loved in ways that very few can. Dad, I am blessed to be born of you. Ammamma is blessed to be lying with her head on your lap during these days of distress and extreme helplessness. Gratitude in plenty for giving new perspective to unconditional love and for giving us an opportunity to be a part of something as magical and real as this bonding!